An Ode To Happiness

It's happened many of times now.

Once when I was sat on a cold brick wall outside a mediocre pub linking arms with one of 8 of my best friends about 2am, slightly tipsy and very excited for a Domino's feast that would accommodate us on our sleepover with only two rooms and blankets for shelter. 

We were having a chat with two (intoxicated but really lovely) local lads and an aphorism they surged in our direction has stayed with me ever since. I can't remember the exact words they spoke but it was something along the lines of "I can see you're all really close, I get that vibe. As long as you've got each other, as long as you look after each other, that's all you need." It was a passive drunken comment but it really struck a cord and has been a motto I've held on to ever since.

Body Confidence Before The Body

Everybody talks about the pre-body before the lifestyle changes, the one that is in your ownership, attached to your self image, and ultimately is the catalyst to the drive that throws you into a brand new routine.

And everybody talks about the after-body, the one you pin your goals on, the healthier, flourishing, refined result of interrupting your sitting down time with a heavy gym session and continuing until you're feeling happier and more positive with the reflection staring back at you.

But nobody ever talks about the in-between. The during.

Nobody ever talks about the trivial obstacles. The squeezing into your gym kit that just about fits, the over observant flaw picking that can set you back miles, the wobbly bits jiggling as you're exerting yourself, the exhaustion, the aftermath of soreness, the long process in which you begin to notice a shift in appearance, and the glossy media that can instantly knock you right back as the ideal gets shoved down your throat at a speedy pace.

*

Dangers of the Contraceptive Pill

I've been umming and ahhing about writing a post like this for such a long time now but I've held back in fear of sounding contriving and patronising and like I'm forcing points upon you. That's not what I want to do. What I want to do is aim to bring this subject to light, to really get to the core of my viewpoint and to generally make young (and older) women cautious and clued up when it comes to making the suitable decision for their own health. Funnily enough, it wasn't the many birth control fatality stories in the media, or the fact a year ago today I told my unrevealed tale of being a teen stroke survivor which contracted from that mini pill, but it was in fact Grace's tweet back in March where she used her platform to inform of the exact same case only devastatingly with her own relative. It often takes an influencer to influence you (which makes obvious sense, of course) and that it did. I thought, as the months went by, that it's time for me to raise awareness and encourage reflection from my own perspective. The perspective that knows just damn well how dangerous it can be.

Mental Health Awareness Week: My Experiences With Depersonalization & Derealization

I am an advocate for mental health. I avidly talk about it in real life and am becoming hell of a lot more open about it online. There's nothing more important than talking. Talking about your thoughts, your feelings, your troubles, your worries, your hopes, and even your recovery. There's no shame in me admitting I have had years of emotional distress that will always be a part of my growth but there's also nobody more proud of the battle with my mind and the demons I've faced head on, than myself. I've spoken about my struggles in previous posts and that's always usually from the encouragement of targeted weeks dedicated to increasing awareness, erasing the stigma and giving people the chance to share their experiences. This is why I believe it's so important to spread the word, to show mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, to assert it does not make you abnormal, to get it off your chest, to talk.

Remembering the Memories of Mum and Dad

Today is Mother's Day but, coincidentally, this year it's fallen on the day the entire circumference of my heart is occupied with the other half of my reason for being on this earth right now, right this minute. For me it's also a reflective, significant and woeful day, for me it's the day I miss the presence of beaming smiles and infectious laughs and annoying teasing, for me it's the anniversary of losing my dad. Today marks 8 years since he gained angel status. Now, it doesn't mean I'm not going to celebrate the unconditional love, friendship, care and compassion my mum has given me since birth but it means there's an extra space to include the appreciation of two incredible humans who shaped me into the person I am today.

2016: A Round Up Of A Formidable Year

2016, wow. What a year. I don't think there's ever been a year so full of promising highs and catastrophic lows! There's many questions I'd like to ask: where on earth did the duration of you go? Why did you have to be so cruel yet also so kind? How did you ever manage to become so significantly transformative? but more than anything, I owe it a massive thank you.  A thank you for introducing me to the real mortal dying to get out there, a thank you for teaching me the true value of happiness, a thank you for showing me the importance of life, how fortunate I am, and how sticking together as a supportive, understanding network can help rid of the negative - and damn right terrifying - worldly goings on and political downfalls. A thank you for throwing challenges ahead to allow me to fortify my inbuilt strength and a thank you for ending with hope, despite what may be recurrently happening around my weary head. 

What Is Christmas Really About?

Merry Christmas, everyone! I feel like I should follow on with a predictive 'I hope it's filled with everything you could possibly wish for and you receive everything you asked for' message but this year, more than ever, I believe Christmas time stretches far beyond the materialism and the desperate need to acquire the latest propaganda. Not that I have anything against people being given the most luxurious gifts with love and appreciation - no way. More than anything, I love to see the gratitude ooze as I have a nosy with heart eyes at the social media posts but that's far from the point I wanted to make in today's post. 

Personal: What Made Me Happy In November

I know it's a little late in the month to recast back to November but I didn't want to end the year not falling with the pattern of giving rigorous detail into what turned my frown upside down. The past couple of months have been quite tough for various reasons but no matter what happens, there's always that light at the end of forbidding darkness, the escapism, the reason I can enjoy my surroundings despite the negative feelings, and that's what really made me appreciate the finer facets in life. So, without further ado, let's get to the nitty gritty.

What Does Chronic Pain Really Feel Like?

Personal: What Made Me Happy In October

The month of October was that alive, I accidentally skipped the September section of my what made me happy posts but truthfully, there was nothing significant to report and everything that occurred almost identically matched the events of October - just on a smaller scale. October was a month I'd been excited for since I gained a life and a more optimistic outlook on my own integrity. The plans I had with the people I love the most outweighed the negatives I used to dwell on so much before I found a reason to move forward and now it's all over with there's no denying I'm a little bit sad (good job the dates in the diary are still been scribbled over up until the end of the year!). It's the impelling build up I'll miss the most but now we've moved into November, the clocks have gone back and winter has well and truly made its entrance there's still plenty to await with pleasure - mainly the big C word - but before that here's a summary of my manic month!

Thoughts Over Coffee

Okay, I lied. I can't drink coffee because the caffeine sends me wild but the concept remains the same if you swap one hot beverage for another chocolatey treat. It's probably no secret that I've been totally distant from the blogging scene for the majority of this September month and it seems ironic talking about the lack of inspiration for writing, through my writing but as I met up with some local bloggers at the #LeedsCoffeeAndCakeMeet (organised by the lovely Claire) on Sunday afternoon, the conversations we had spurred me on to give myself a kick up the bum and a huge push forward to just go with the flow. Get my thoughts out there. Tell the world about my current incompetent schedule and feelings towards being a nobody. 

Personal: What Made Me Happy In August

If I'm honest, I'm quite surprised I've kept my monthly happiness posts on a regular run from the start of the year up until now. September already, you say? I'm just as startled as you are - the mention of the c word and the darker nights drawing in kind of contradicts the humid weather and the sense that summer evaporated without me even realising. There isn't much of a difference in this month's merriment, you could call it a sort of a continuation of July's events. Probably nothing at all that's worth boasting about, nor anything that anyone remotely cares but a little positivity is always pleasant to read, right? I enjoy getting my thoughts written out and focusing on my untroubled points, even if it does mean I'm talking to myself.

20 Things You Shouldn't Say To A Chronic Pain Sufferer

When you live with chronic pain, you don't just live with the persistent anguish; you live with the unknown, the looming judgement, the inevitable choice of enjoying yourself to the extreme and suffering vs staying put with no social life to ease the suffering just a smidgen, the false hope of moving forward when you have a good day only to be shattered with an intense bad day the next, the limitations, the loss of control, the disappointment in yourself, and the idea that you constantly have to prove a point, that this invisible torment shredding you of any normality does exist even though it can't be seen hidden behind a giggle and a "yeah I'm good, how are you?". Dealing with an incurable condition that isn't understood from a distance can be isolating and it's tough, very tough. I know from my personal experience I find it hard to trust anyone away from my tight knit, inner circle; like if I express myself too much the guessing will begin - the wrong kind, the presuming kind, the kind that sees straight through the exhaustion, the sickness, the misery and distress and focuses on the outer shell. 

Personal: Things That Made Me Happy In July

Where as August seems to be bolting by without warning, July feels like it was a lifetime ago. The last couple of months have been a real turnaround in my general happiness, in fact I've never been so happy. I've discovered this unrevealed fragment of my life that I never knew I needed until now and stumbled upon a part of me that just fits with the rest. It's been an overwhelming time in my usually average life which means in return I get to spread my positive vibes across my blog in usual pattern of my pensive monthly moments and I think this is the most excited I've ever been about getting my thoughts down in writing!

Personal: things that made me happy in June

Hey hey, I'm back - well technically I flew home late at night a week today but haven't been able to get my blogging butt back into gear until a fresh Monday emerged. Partly because last week was a hectic but momentously brilliant week and the other half because I seem to always be lumbered with this post holiday dispirit where all I want to do is try my best to adjust to the below average temperature, sleep and eagerly observe my tanned skin to silently pray it stays put in this so called British weather (although with this supposed heatwave bracing, it seems I did in fact bring the sunshine home). I enjoyed my well needed break (probably too much if I'm honest) but am feeling all kinds of motivated to get back on track. With plenty of posts to plan for my upcoming blog schedule, some of which features around my most cherished time in the luxurious sunshine and some of which were photographed beforehand - what better time was there to mark down my monthly happiness? Especially when there's so much sadness in the world as of lately. These posts almost always start with my shock of how the year seems to be flying by but this time round I feel like I've been gone an entire full year when in reality it's only three weeks. As most of June was spent vacay prepping it didn't leave me much head space to extensively think about the highlights but as they say, it's always best to act on impulse... 

20 Simple Ways To Be Kinder

The devastating events happening right now, this moment, whether reported or hidden, is enough to bring the happiest of people down. The breaking news of hatred, violence, prejudice and dehumanising can often get emotionally draining. I know I've gotten to the point where I fear the right to freedom and am constantly reminded of the badness, the senseless acts of tragedy instead of the beauty in the world. It'd be easy for me to focus on the shocking events, to express my deep anger and upset; in fact I was all set on preparing one of my lengthened, ranty Sunday Natter posts (I'm a day late again, give me a telling off for being so useless) but I decided against it last minute. Instead, I thought of turning the tables - taking something bad and making it into a little challenge we can set ourselves to contribute towards adding acceptance, embracing positivity and spreading love across the globe!

23 Things I've Learned in 23 Years

Guess who's 23 today? Yep, you guessed it - it's me, the in denial adult who still wishes she was a careless child coming home to watch Tracy Beaker and eat turkey dinosaurs but has to accept that with every passing year comes more burdened responsibilities and a sheer disappointment that growing up really isn't all that. Aaaaand breathe. There's no denying birthday's just aren't as fun anymore; okay so today's plans include eating until I pop and spending time with the ones who gave me life but reality caves in once it's over and unfortunately I can't spend the rest of the night playing with my Barbie gifts. Saying that; as you develop, you become more familiarised with who you are and the purpose of the world. It's a funny old place, a terrible, illiberal place at times, but it's also wonderful and enlightening and you're never, ever done learning and gaining wisdom. So, in summarised celebration of my birthday, here's my cliche '23 things I've learned in 23 years' post.

Personal: things that made me happy in May

Another month gone by, another jitter within my uneasy system reacting to how frighteningly fast this year is speeding by (I'm 23 this month and I'm still not adapting to this accumulative adult life) and hey, would you look at that - a proper I-can-see-blue-sky-amongst-the-cloud summer appears to be finally on its way. June is always guaranteed to be a great month purely because it's my birthday month, and usually because a holiday abroad is just around the corner. This year it's substantially both and the majority of my time schedule starting from now up until the 26th will include panic planning, bikini body dreaming and avoiding as much cake as possible which means there's new upheaval among me but there's also a chance for me to stew on the previous month of May and that I shall do...

The Life Of A Stroke Survivor: The Life Of Me

I never thought I'd get to to this point, to the stage where I'm comfortable enough to share my deepest, darkest secret with the whole world when the fear of judgement I feel on a daily basis already dominates my entire existence but here we are, three years of blogging down the line and no longer do I feel as though I should hide away the part of me that defines the difference between my online persona and the verity of my realistic battles. Am I scared? Hell yes. Am I fighting the emotion right now? Even more hell yes. Am I hoping to change attitudes, raise awareness and aspire to continue holding out hope by telling my story? Triple that hell yes. So, let me reintroduce myself...

Three Years Of The Same Old Chic (and a giveaway)

Guys, I did it!